The baby is in his room crying. He has been for nearly two hours now. I'm not usually the "let them cry themselves to sleep" kind of mom but today everything has been all wrong.
The movie I put in for the older two has ended and the DVD has a really annoying repeating menu that just keeps playing over and over and over and over and over. And they are fighting about something.
But I'm sitting in my room, on the floor, in the corner, crying. A good mom would go pick up the baby. A good mom would go turn off the DVD. A good mom would put an end to the crying. But I'm still just sitting in the corner, wondering when the good mom will show up and fix everything.
I need to go change the laundry over and put a new load in. I need to get dinner put in the crock pot or else there won't be time for the slow cooker to do it's magic by dinnertime. And I think the milk is still on the table from breakfast. But I can't find the will to move. So still I sit, on the floor, in the corner, crying.
Plus my head hurts. And my toe hurts. I hate that I broke my toe!!!
The kids and I were supposed to go horse back riding yesterday at my cousin's place. But I broke my dang toe and so I couldn't take them.
The neighborhood playgroup is going to the swimming pool today. But I'm short on cash, and I can't drive, and I can't get in the pool (thanks again to the stupid toe!!!) so we didn't go. I hate that we didn't go.
I hate that the combination of my hurt toe and soaring gas prices that we never go anywhere anymore. I'm stir crazy, the kids are stir crazy. And summer is slowly slipping through my fingers.....
A good mom would find a way to make lemonade out of so many lemons. A good mom would fill up the kiddie pool in the front yard. Or pull out scissors and paper and glue and do an art project. Or a science experiment. Or, at the very least, go play candy land!!!! But today I'm not a good mom, so still I sit on the floor, in the corner, crying.
I woke up to find I only had 1 diaper left for Zoey. Because I haven't been shopping, again thanks to the toe. I thought it would be a good opportunity to encourage her to use the potty. So we put on princess panties. And within 10 minutes she had peed through two pairs, meaning now I had more laundry to do AND carpet to clean. So I called my husband (who was already half way to work) and told him he had to turn around and go buy me some more diapers. My nerves couldn't handle that many puddles in one day.
How did I get here? When did I become this crumpled crying mess on the floor? I feel like I don't even recognize me anymore.
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7 comments:
everything is going swimmingly until all of a sudden you're caught in a rip tide.....
we _know_ young moms make it through this stage, since our moms did, but when you're in the middle of it, it's like you're the only person on earth that is struggling.
*hugs* when mike gets home you claim the right to go take a long hot bath (so you can prop your toe up but still enjoy the nice hot water).
and he can deal with the rest :)
Some days I just cry and I only have one! Moira's up there kicking the wall instead of taking a nape and I know she's going to be ornery if she doesn't get any sleep. I just want to pull my hair out, grr!
But I am an advocate of kids crying it out so I'm sure Harrison will survive, because you are a good mom. But it's hard to feel like you're not getting everything "just right" or missing out on fun opportunities.
The kids can come over here anytime you want to get them out of the house to get things done!
When Elizza was 7 months old I fell and broke my elbow. At the time we were finishing up the bulding our home and I was packing for the move; I remeber having several days where I think Ty was afraid to come home because I would project my frustration with the kids and of not being able to do anything at him. We got through it and you will too, you are an amazing person and super mom, might I remind you of your blog "will I really miss this" - april 4th. you sent this to me when I was having one of those days like you are having today and it really made me feel better in fact I read it often for a little boost. Thanks. Hang in there.
Oh Nicole.......It's 11:20 AM and my kids still aren't dressed, they haven't had breakfast and I am pretty sure that doesn't put me on any sort to good list. Stir crazy I also undertstand! What can I do? Let me help.....It's sort of selfish on my part. It makes me feel better.
Oh Sweetheart! A good mom has all the thoughts you are having. A bad mom would walk out. It's hard to keep in touch with yourself when your kids are young. Just know it will get better. So sorry you're in pain - I can empathise, I've had a bad hand/wrist and a rotator cuff impingement and it truly is hard to stay positive when you still have to fulfill your motherly duties when you're in pain. Don't be so hard on yourself and remember, there is no one else in the world who will love your kids more than you do. You're a great mom and I'm sure there are three little people who would agree! Take it from an "old" mom (or should I say "experienced" or "vintage") this too shall pass.
I am agreed by what everyone else has said or written already. I know how you feel. I get there too. I really do. I must have missed the memo that was sent to moms saying that you have to do things like that with your kids to be a good mom. I guess I am just a bad mom too. Though I do think my kids are happy most of the time. So I must be doing something right. As you are too. I read about all your adventures with your kids, the things you do, and I wish that I did things like that with my kids. YOu are a wonderful mom. Keep up the great work!
Good comments from everyone. I'm sorry about your crappy day!
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