Shortly after Adam was born I remember trying to pretend I was still a normal person and that I could still do all the things I once did. And so we went out to a movie. I figured the baby was still sleeping most the day so he would just sleep through the whole movie.
So of course 5 minutes into the previews the baby poops his pants. And of course it’s a blow out which I am now wearing as well. So I rush off to the bathroom, which was not really equipped for changing a new born baby’s blow out diaper. But I do my best to clean up the baby and myself and make it back into the theater having only missed 5 minutes or so of the movie. And I settled in because I thought that surely that was the worst of it and that I’m be able to enjoy the rest of the movie.
Which means, of course, that half way through the movie the baby starts to fidget and cry a bit. So I decide that since we are in a pitch black movie theater that I could pull of discreetly nursing the baby there in my seat. So I whip out the baby blanket and seems to be going well, until I realize that while the baby is nursing on the right side that I’m leaking profusely on the left side. And, being a new, first time mother and being unaware of how embarrassing lactating in public can be, I of course am wearing nothing to stop the flow. So I just start hoping and praying that my shirt will dry before the movie gets over, and convince myself that surely now we’re through the worst of what could possibly happen.
So of course then the baby spits up, all over. Which means that by the end of the movie I am wearing breast milk in all its many forms. Boy did I smell pretty!
And next time I wanted to see a movie, we just rented it.
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1 comment:
Ah the joys of renting. Movies in the comfort of your own home!
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