Don't let your kids hear you say that!

I sing a lot at our house. Because I think life is a musical, just ask my husband. He'll tell you all about how I break out into random song and dance. He still giggles about my rendition of the dance of the plump sugar fairy, and no that isn't a typo.

Anyway, today I was telling Zoey to go get a diaper because she was stinky. She was sitting on the stairs refusing to obey. So I started sining to her "When my mother calls me, quickly I'll obey."

Well, I got to the end of the verse and she was still sitting there so I just started making up words to the tune. I wasn't really thinking about what I was saying and the words just started coming out and I guess my subconscious was trying to rhyme, because this is what came out.

"Go get a diaper quickly, go and get it fast. Because you are a stinky girl and I need to wipe your a**"

OOPS!!! Did I just say that in front of my kids? Oh yes I did. Wow!

Okay, now that you really know what kind of mom I am you may move on with your regularly scheduled lives.

busy brains at work

Adam never ceases to amaze me. I love that he has passed the stage of simply regurgitating what he's been told and actually putting different things he's been told together to make sense of new things.

Friday night we met up with cousins for dinner. We were sitting eating when Adam starts saying "mom, mom! I have to tell you something."

"What do you need to tell me Adam?"

"When you have 4 kids (his 4 cousins) and 3 kids (him and his brother and sister) then that makes 7 kids!"

Okay, so maybe you're thinking that adding 3 and 4 is no big deal. But it's that he sat and figured it out all by himself. And to be quite honest I'm not that good of a mother and I haven't taught him about addition. He really just figured it out all on his own. (that or PBS is doing a really stellar job raising my child.)

Later on as we were loading in the car he was sounding out the word LOFT. (there was an Anne Taylor Loft across from where we were parked.) He was in he car seat making all the sounds. L-O-F-T. I was mostly just ignoring it as background noise until he said. "Mom! Mom! L-O-F-T spells loft!" And I sat there a little stunned. I looked at Mike and said "Did you tell him that?" Mike said no. He had sounded it out all by himself. Thank you Between The Lions.

He also has stopped needing my help to build a big train track. We have wooden train tracks for his Thomas Trains and up until this week he always wanted my help making a BIG track. But this week when we got the trains out he informed me that he was going to make a big track all by himself. So I just sat back and watched, really expecting that halfway through he'd hit a snag because making a big track takes a lot of fore planning and rearranging to get everything working just right. But he did it all by himself! And there weren't even any dead ends. Everything connected to something else. I must say I was impressed.

Here is the track that he built all by himself.



All I have to say is that either is he stinking smart (like his parents) or PBS is better than I remember!

What not to wear

Shortly after baby #3 was born I was feeling hard up for a pair of pants that actually fit and that were not maternity pants. To say that I was feeling a bit apprehensive about going out with all 3 children is an understatement. I was petrified! But I didn’t really have much choice, either. Plus the kids were going stir crazy being in the house so much and needed to get out. So, I ventured out.

First stop, Kohl’s. And as I was unloading children from the car I could smell that somebody needed a diaper change. So we made our first stop the bathroom. I changed the baby first….poopy. I changed Zoey second, also poopy. I changed Adam last, yes, also poopy. And yes, I had 3 children in diapers at one point. And no it wasn’t much fun.

This was in the early days when the baby still nursed every 2 hours or so. And even though I had fed the baby before leaving the house it had taken such a long time to load kids and load diaper bags and load strollers, and unload kids and diaper bags and strollers, not to mention the eternity we spent in the bathroom changing dirty diapers, that now it was time to feed the baby again. So we find ourselves a nice large corner dressing room where I try (without much success) to keep the 3 year old and the 18 month old occupied while I feed the baby. But try as I might I couldn’t keep them from crawling underneath the dressing room stalls. Or from licking the mirror.

But finally I am done feeding the baby and I think I’m going to finally get to do a little shopping. But the baby was still also in the stage that he poops after every feeding. And apparently Zoey wasn’t quite done with her business when I changed her the first time because she is poopy again as well. So after ANOTHER trip to the bathroom I’m done!!! D-O-N-E! After leaving the bathroom for the second time we head straight for the car. Without passing GO and without collecting $200. And without a pair of pants that fit. Which is really the reason new moms don’t go anywhere the first several months after having a baby…we have nothing to wear!

The day I knew my life would never be the same again

Shortly after Adam was born I remember trying to pretend I was still a normal person and that I could still do all the things I once did. And so we went out to a movie. I figured the baby was still sleeping most the day so he would just sleep through the whole movie.

So of course 5 minutes into the previews the baby poops his pants. And of course it’s a blow out which I am now wearing as well. So I rush off to the bathroom, which was not really equipped for changing a new born baby’s blow out diaper. But I do my best to clean up the baby and myself and make it back into the theater having only missed 5 minutes or so of the movie. And I settled in because I thought that surely that was the worst of it and that I’m be able to enjoy the rest of the movie.

Which means, of course, that half way through the movie the baby starts to fidget and cry a bit. So I decide that since we are in a pitch black movie theater that I could pull of discreetly nursing the baby there in my seat. So I whip out the baby blanket and seems to be going well, until I realize that while the baby is nursing on the right side that I’m leaking profusely on the left side. And, being a new, first time mother and being unaware of how embarrassing lactating in public can be, I of course am wearing nothing to stop the flow. So I just start hoping and praying that my shirt will dry before the movie gets over, and convince myself that surely now we’re through the worst of what could possibly happen.

So of course then the baby spits up, all over. Which means that by the end of the movie I am wearing breast milk in all its many forms. Boy did I smell pretty!

And next time I wanted to see a movie, we just rented it.

The ostracizing has begun

Okay, let me begin by saying that I know a lot of what might be considered "big" words but that I don't know how to spell any of them! So when I first tried to spell the word ostracize the computer's suggestions varied form ostrich to obstetrician. Now there's a mental image for you!

Anywhoo....although that is funny and strange on so many levels let us move onto the real reason for this post.

You see, the balance of our happy home has been tipped. And it all started because the baby decided it was time to learn to crawl. Before said crawling began at our home the three children could play quite happily together for quite some time. Because the baby sat in the middle of the room and just giggled and squealed as the older two played around him and occasionally threw him a toy to play with. But now that he can get around he wants to be into EVERYTHING that his siblings are into and that is NOT going over too well with the the older children. He wreaks havoc on the train tracks. It's like Godzilla found his way to the Island of Sodor, as he pulls apart all the nicely built railroad and puts Thomas in his mouth! Oh the horror. So it probably won't surprise you that the older two don't like having the baby around.

So they have started taking their toys into Zoey's room and then shoving the baby into the hallway and slamming the door. Not that I really blame them. It is quite obnoxious to have your toys slimed by your baby brother. But it's just so sad at the same time. The baby will sit outside the door and cry and cry and sometimes even pound a bit on the door. He knows he is being left out and he doesn't like it one bit! And when I ask the oldest child why he has pushed the baby out he says "we don't like playing with Harrison." aw, doesn't it just break your heart?

I guess I knew this day would eventually come. But it just seemed to come faster than I was ready for it.

But just wait, in a few years the game will change again. Adam will go off to school and the younger two will be home together all day. And I'm sure there will be times that Adam is the ostracized one. And then a little later down the road when they are all in school the boys will gang up on their sister and exclude her because she's a girl, and who wants to play with a girl? Girls have cooties!

They all, in turn, will have a chance to be left out. I can only hope that it will only be for a season and that when they mature a bit they will all be best bosom buddies once again. Inseparable. The 3 amigos. The 3 Musketeers. Larry, Moe, & Curly.

Although, as long as they are plotting against each other they won't have time to be plotting against me...perhaps encouraging the sibling love isn't in my best interest after all...


UPDATE:

Playing pretend

I am not getting as much laundry done as I should today. Because I am instead sitting here watch my two older children play. They are cracking me up. They are pretending that it is Thomas Day.

The charade goes something like this.....they lay down in the jump house and pretend to sleep. Then they "wake up" and say "It's Thomas day!" They jump out of the bouncer and run over to the couch, which is apparently Thomas. While sitting on the couch they start to chug-chug and toot-toot. Then they get off and say "Time to go home" Half way back across the room they say "Oh no! We forgot the diaper bag! We better hurry before Thomas leaves" (I have no idea where this part of the charade comes in because we did not in fact leave our diaper bag on Thomas.) They run back to Thomas (the couch) for the pretend diaper bag. Then the go back Home (the jump house) to sleep.

And the game starts all over again. Over and over and over they have done it. What will they think of next?

He's growing up, too

I've spent so much time lately marveling at how much my baby is growing up that I've nearly forgotten that his older brother is growing up, too.

Today I was reminded. Today he gave his first talk in Primary. Is he really old enough to be giving talks in Primary?

As I sat in the back of the primary room waiting to help him with his talk I actually got really nervous about it. I looked around the room and there were maybe 30 people in there, maybe. I mean it wasn't a sold out audience by any means. But I was nervous just the same. Because this is my child that cries at the sight of Curious George. This is my child who plays the deaf/mute any time he meets somebody new. This is the child that it took 10 consecutive weeks before he finally stopped crying when I dropped him off in his sunbeam class. (mostly he was upset because Zoey wasn't coming with him, but was staying behind in nursery.)

So imagine my surprise and pleasure when he came right up, climbed up on the stool at the podium and waited for me to tell him what to say. And then he said it! He wasn't very loud. In fact I'm sure I'm the only one who heard him. But he gave his talk beautifully! I'm so proud of my boy.

Below is the poem he read (from a past issue of the friend) printed here for any who also have sunbeams who will soon be giving talks about the temple.

Elizabeth Giles, “Temple Blessings,” Friend, Nov. 2002, pg 33

Heavenly Father
has sent us a blessing.
Now temples
dot the earth.
Families can gather,
be sealed together—
a blessing of
infinite worth!

post script

this evening Adam and Zoey were playing that they had talks in church. Adam kept saying "come on Zoey. We have to go to church and talk" they would then walk half way up the stairs and say "talk talk talk talk talk" then come back down the stairs. After a few minutes the whole charade would start over again.

UPDATED:

Kids were playing the "talk in church" game again today and I happened to have my camera handy this time. Crazy kids!

stop growing up!

Today the baby crawled all the way up the stairs all by himself. Guess he got tired of being abandoned downstairs all by himself.

A Bug's Life

My children are quite an anomaly. Most parents I have talked to say their children LOVE to play outside. They can't get enough of outside. No matter how hot or cold it is they just want to be outside. Mine, on the other hand, I have to BEG to go outside.I have to plead on my hands and knees for them to go outside. I have to bribe them to go outside. And then when all that doesn't work I have to shove them outside and lock the door behind them.

It wasn't always this way. Last summer they were normal. Last summer they wanted to eat every meal outside. Last summer was heaven for me. And I had every reason to believe that I was in for more of the same this summer.

And it is something very tiny that has made all the difference. (and I litterally mean something tiny)

You see, I don't know how it happened, but much to my dismay my oldest two children are TERRIFIED of bugs. I mean down right petrified!!! Like if I made them choose between eating broccoli (which they both claim they don't like) or being in the sandbox with one tiny, harmless ant they would gag down the broccoli. (hey, maybe that's an idea! perhaps that's how to get them to eat their vegetables....but I digress) If before going to bed I told them, in my scariest voice, that there were monsters in their closet that were going to come after them as soon as the light was off they'd laugh at me and have pleasant dreams about Mike and Sully. But if I told them in a casual sort of way that there was an ant in the kitchen they would have nightmares all night long and would cry and plead and beg until I let them sleep in bed with me.

Try as I might I can't convince them that these bugs are harmless. And sending the kids outside to play is no longer heave for me because I spend the whole time removing bugs from the sandbox, the slide, the cozy coupe, and the playhouse. I sent them outside this morning and in the first 10 minutes that was a spider in the sandbox and potato bug on the sidewalk and an ant in the playhouse. And each time they came crying to screaming to the door begging "mom, mom! get the bug away!!! can we come in please? there are bugs!"

And the worst part is that they want me to kill them all. Simply removing the offending creature to the grass or the flower bed is not good enough. If they had their way I would rid the entire great outdoors of every bug. I keep trying to explain that bugs live outside, that outside is their home, so it's not really very sporting of me to kill them when they are outside. I protest their pleas by trying to rationalize with them that if I were to try to annihilate every single outside bug that was merely going out its own business, hurting nobody, it would result in another holocaust, making me the next Hitler. But they haven't studied world history yet so they don't quite grasp the tragedy of it all.

Needless to say my children won't be winning Fear Factor anytime in the near or distant future.

Who gave you permission to grow up?

I saw my cousin's newborn baby this weekend and it's hard for me to believe that mine was ever that little, because he is getting so big lately! It's almost as if he's in a hurry to grow up!

He is crawling like crazy (getting around way faster than I'd like him to!) And won't stay still for anything, including getting his diaper changed. I'm constantly chasing his little naked baby butt around (which I just admit is pretty cute, but my husband won't let me post pictures of it.)

He's pulling himself up to everything. Which means walking is just around the corner. *sniff, sniff* And another tooth has popped through.

He's doing all the same things I remember his older siblings doing. He loves phones and remotes. He puts EVERYTHING in his mouth, including dead bugs. (that's how you know it's time to vacuum again) And he pulls everything out of any outlet he is short enough to reach.

And today he was at the bottom of the stairs and he pulled himself up onto the bottom stair. I mean all the way onto it, so he was sitting on the stair. Of course than when he got overly excited about his achievement he fell down that one stair. Don't worry, only his pride was wounded.

He's also started climbing out of his high chair, too. And I've had to lower the playpen down to the lowest setting. It's just not fair!!! Why do they have to grow up so fast?

(of course they never seem to get to the full potty trained stage quite fast enough...)

Embarrasing 101

So, I should've learned by now to carry pull-ups with me. But you know, 3 kids, so many other things on my mind, I just forget.

And today they would've really come in handy!

I took the kids to the Discovery Gateway today. (got that year pass so I have to get my money's worth!) Inevitably as we are pulling into the parking garage Adam starts screaming that he has to use the bathroom. I keep telling him he has to wait. So of course it takes me some time to find a parking spot. And then I'm trying to get everybody unbuckled and the stroller out and this whole time he's crying and screaming. I tell him he either has to hold it or I can put one of Zoey's diapers on him.

He keeps saying he wants to hold it, but all the while he is screaming and crying and I'm sure he's going to pee all over himself any second.

So I get everybody on the stroller and we make a mad dash for the elevators, wishing that instead of running that I had a cape and could fly. We get there and of course the elevator is taking FOREVER to show up. But we have to take the elevator because I have a massive stroller with 3 kids on it. Luckily my mom was with me and she said I should just take Adam and go up the escalator and she'd wait with the other two kids for the elevator.

Afraid that Adam is going to explode at any minute I grab him off the stroller and make a dash...and he starts crying even harder (if that is possible) because his shoe came off when I grabbed him from the stroller. So I run back, still wondering where my supermom cape is, grab his shoe so no I'm carrying both him and the shoe and running full speed up the escalator.

As luck would have it I see the most beautiful sign staring at me first thing when I get to the top of the escalator. It says RESTROOMS and has a big red arrow pointing straight ahead. I head very quickly in that direction, still carrying Adam and the stray shoe.

Of course the beautiful sign gave me false hope because the restrooms were still like a million miles away down windy, twisty halls. I wanted to scream!

But we finally turn one corner and there they are! They could've been the Holy Grail for as excited as I was to finally see them....two doors, side by side. One bearing the word MEN and one bearing the word WOMEN.

But all hope was soon to fade as there was a sign on the floor in front of the women's room that said "closed for cleaning" So I told Adam he was just going to have to use the Men's room alone. I told him he'd have to go in and use the potty and I'd be right outside. So I open the door to the Men's room to shove him in, hoping it's a single stall bathroom and that it's empty. Well, I was to be disappointed on both accounts. I open the door and there is a guy standing right there at the sink. He starts spouting something at me in Spanish and Adam is crying and I am out of options. The guy starts telling me in broken English "this is men's, this is men's" I said "I know, but the women's is closed and he really has to go!" So he starts spouting off in Spanish again as I push my way into the bathroom past him pulling my 4 year old behind me. He starts speaking quickly (in Spanish again) to somebody who is in the stall and I can only assume he is telling his friend "there is some crazy woman in here so don't come out!"

He was nice enough to say "I'll hold door open for you" and he went and stood over by the door (giving me and Adam our space) while I helped Adam use the urinal (our only choice)

It was horribly embarrassing, and I might add that Men's rooms are really disgusting. (I might add this is the second men's room I've had to take Adam into in the past 2 weeks. the last one was a gas station and the restrooms were single stall and the woman's was locked.)

If braving the men's room for the sake of a 4-year old bladder does not put me in the running for mother of the year I don't know what does!

I should write sitcoms because I wouldn't even have to make stuff up!

This post was submited to Scribbit’s July Write-Away Contest

Magic Stones

Is your car charged?

Adam is smarter than he realizes.

Today we got in the car to go to the store and he said to me "mom, is your car charged?" I said "I don't charge my car Adam, I put gas in it."

He said, "well, cars and jeeps and vans and trucks shouldn't use gas. They should get plugged in and charged. Then you would have to make sure your car was charged to go somewhere." Oh, little does he know.....

Can you hurry and grow up so you can make a difference in our world, Adam? Because we need you!!!!!

Pick my up

Zoey uses my in so many incorrect ways.

She uses it when she means me. Like in "pick my up" or "give my a kiss" or my favorite this morning when Adam came tromping into her bedroom. "somebody woke my up!"

She also uses it for I am. "My Zoey" or "my tired" or "my hungry"

I can't seem to convince her otherwise.

To the moon

I was asking Adam this morning what he wanted to do today. We have stayed in the house for 2 days straight now and I was beginning to feel like a prisoner. I figured the kids must be a little stir crazy, too. Plus if we got out of the house I could ignore all the chores here that I don't want to do.

So, I ask Adam "What do you want to do today?" and he says "I want to play with trains and watch the wiggles and have a jammie day." sigh. I DON'T want to stay home and play trains! So I start suggesting activities, hoping he'll bite.

Would you like to go shopping? or to the Library? or to the museum? The park?

no, no, no he says. He wants to stay home and have jammie day.

Mike suggests, "Do you want to go to the moon?"

Adam gets an exasperated look on his face, lets out a big sigh, and says "Dad, the moon isn't a place you go in a car or a truck or a jeep."

So I asked "How do you get there then?"

"With a ladder. A really REALLY tall ladder."

and in case you were wondering....it is noon and the kids are in fact still in their pajamas. I think I'll load them up in the car in the jammies and at least go to the post office to mail some stuff because I have got to get out today!!!!!

New and Improved

I know the difference is subtle....but my blog is better now. See, my wonderful husband expanded my columns so now my big pictures are no longer cut off. HOORAY! Thanks wonderful husband!

manners

I'm trying to teach my kids manners. Mostly because I tire of "mom, get me a sippe!!!!" (said in very demanding 2 and 4 year old voices)

Adam's always comes out "Mom may will you get me a sippie, please" I think it's the combination of may i have and will you please. crazy kid.