And we're back!

And we've missed much! The kids haven't stopped being funny or insightful or clever for one second. I somehow just stopped writing about it.

But I'm not going to get into that here. (I did get into that here if you care. If you don't, then read on.)

Part of me knows I needed the break. But another part of me is sad that I missed out on nearly 6 months of kidisms. Things that I swore I wasn't going to forget, that I'd write down, to catalog to be remembered for eternity.

But I'm a mom. I barely remember what I had for breakfast this morning. So, much is lost in void that is my mommy brain.

I do remember clearly Adam's first day of kindergarten.

Too bad I have no pictures. That's right. I walked him to school, snapping pictures all the way. Only to get home and find out I had no memory card in my camera. Tears were the result (and not the "oh my baby is growing up" kind of tears, either.)

And I do remember this precious little gem from Mike's birthday earlier in the month.

I overheard Adam giving Zoey the following rundown.

"We have to do whatever daddy says today because it is his birthday. And whoever's birthday it is is in charge that day. But when it's nobody's birthday mom is in charge."

Glad he knows how things work around here.

Modern Princess

Adam and Zoey are playing princess. Well, Zoey is playing princess and is trying to convince Adam to be the knight that comes and saves her. He finally concedes and comes riding up on his valiant steed and says in his most knighly voice "I am here to rescue you princess"

Her response? "Just a second, my phone is ringing."

I can only imagine she is video conferencing in all her best princess buddies so they can see her brave knight in action.

Brand Conscious

On Saturday I bought Adam a new pair of shoes. He needed dress shoes but Famous Footwear was having their buy one get one half off sale so of course I offered to buy him a pair of tennis shoes, too. He is starting school next month and will need them.

So, of course he picks out a pair of Sketchers that have lights that blink. I tried to talk him into a different, less ostentatious pair, but this was love at first sight. I'm too cheap to buy brand name shoes for my kids when they grow out of them in 6-8 months. But I was getting them half off and I also had a $10 voucher from their rewards program. So it brought the fancy shoes down into a price range I could stomach.

The next day I heard him call to Zoey, "I'll be right out. I just need to put my Sketchers on." I was taken aback. While shoe shopping the day before the word Sketcher had never been said. I merely called them tennis shoes. So how did he know they were Sketchers? So I asked him.

Of course he looked at my completely dumbfounded and in his very best "duh mom" voice he said "Because they have a big S on them mom." I think he may have even rolled his eyes at me.

But this did not clear things up for me, since the only television he watches is PBS. So whatever his exposure to the Sketcher's S logo it was limited. And yet he still knew that his shoes were Sketchers. And he's only 5.

Damn, those marketing people are good!

Flashback Friday

I decided to do Flashback Friday over here today because I realized I never showed off my kids Halloween costumes. Yes-Halloween in June. Because I worked so stinkin' hard on those costumes I need to make sure at least 2 other people see and appreciate them.

I have this thing with doing themed Halloween costumes, so all the kids are dressed in coordinating costumes that somehow relate to one another. Last year (2008) it was Monsters, Inc.

Are you ready for the cuteness? Do you think you can handle it?













Wow, what adorable kids! Nice lookin' costumes, too. Their mom must be really talented. (or have a grandma who is talented who helped out a lot.....you decide.)

It's important!

Adam just walked into the office where I'm working and said to me "Mom, I need to discuss something with Zoey. May I take her up to my room? It's important."

Because I have cute kids AND a new camera

I so don't have time for blogging today. But I'm dying to show off some of my pictures from our trip to NV.

We spent a day in Virginia City and there were just so many old things to take fun pictures of.

I was IN LOVE with this red brick wall. Amazing how something as simple as a wall can make me so very happy.











And this car graveyard was so photogenic.











And this was just funny to me.






And because she's so gosh darn cute!

Excited with a side of skepticism

About a month ago I got an email that basically said hey you have a great blog and we would like you to tell your readers all about our blog. At first I was like wow! Somebody likes my blog. And then reality set in and I realized my blog likely met some keyword search critera and that nobody actually READ my blog before sending me that email. Because well, as loyal my followers are (thanks for that, by the way) there are barely a handful of you. In other words, I'm hardly what you could call and influential blogger.

A few days later I got yet another email requesting that I promote a website and this time I didn't let it go quite so much to my head.

So you can imagine the skepticism I felt when I received the following comment on my blog.

Congratulations!

Your blog has been nominated for the 2009 Utah Baby Guide Blog Contest. The blog that gets the most votes wins! Voting ends June 30th, 2009.

Congratulations! You have a great blog!

Kindly,
Jessica Taufer
Editorial Director
Utah Baby Guide
j.taufer@utahbabyguide.com
http://www.utahbabyguide.com


Especially since I've had spam comments in the past. (before turning on word verification) Comments that served no other purpose than to get you to click over to somebody's insurance site.

My suspicion was furthered by the fact that my other blog also got the same comment. And when I've been spammed in the past both blogs got hit.

But finally my big head telling me "this one might actually be for real" got the best of me and I clicked to it.

It does look like a legitimate site. I think. And my Sister-in-law's two blogs are nominated in different categories which leads me to believe that maybe she nominated me (Thanks if you did!!!!) Or maybe she didn't. Who knows.

Her blog Orange World is nominated in the Discount/Giveaway Blog category. And her blog Orange You Special is nominated in the Product Blog category.

And so this is the part where I shamelessly beg for your vote. Because hey, it would be cool to win something! Plus you don't even have to register. Simply email contest@utahbabyguide.com and tell us the web address of your favorite blog for each category before June 30, 2009.

This blog is nominated in the Funny Blog category

My other blog is nominated in the Personal Blogs category.

And I guess it would be nice if I told you their website. Because that's what a courteous blogger does, right?

So you can visit the Utah Baby Guide at, surprisingly enough, http://www.utahbabyguide.com/

I'll stop begging now. Since it's likely all really a hoax anyway. Thanks.

There may still be hope yet

The kids started in with the bickering early this morning. After playing cars together for about 10 minutes Zoey decided she wanted to play something else.

Of course this made Adam mad. He thinks Zoey should do whatever he wants her to do AT ALL TIMES. And he was NOT done playing cars and thought that Zoey needed to continue playing with him.

So he comes to me and starts laying it on think with the oh pity me act. "Mom, Zoey said she doesn't want to play with me anymore and that really hurts my feelings. It makes me so sad when she won't play with me and she shouldn't hurt my feelings. It's not nice."

Of course, by this time Zoey has followed him into the office as well and so he starts telling her how she is being mean and when she doesn't seem to care he smacks her with a throw pillow, sending her head backwards into the wall. Ouch!

Amazingly enough somewhere within the arguing and blaming they agreed long enough to pick a movie they wanted to watch.

So, after the head banging I sent Adam to his room. He cried that he didn't want to miss the movie (which I hadn't even put in yet) so I told him he'd better hurry to his room because the faster he got there the faster he could come out.

I then turned to Zoey and asked if she was ready to put the movie in. The same Zoey who was crying because her brother smashed her head into the wall. The same Zoey that was just yelling at her brother telling him "quiet, I don't want to hear it!" as he told her all about his hurt feelings. The same Zoey that parroted me when I told Adam to go to his room. "Yea, go to your room for being mean!"

This Zoey looked at me with those big blue eyes and was close to tears when she said "Mom, we can't put the movie in yet! Adam is still in his room and he doesn't want to miss it!"

Priorities

I stepped outside just now to take a dirty diaper to the curb. As I approached the house again I heard frantic crying coming from inside and, I have to admit, my first reaction was "I hope they didn't get anything on the floor, I just mopped it yesterday."

If that's not a sign of a wonderfully caring mother I don't know what is!

Turns out Harrison had climbed up to the table and tried to help himself to some of my Cherry-Vanilla Diet Dr. Pepper. Which, he of course, promptly spilled.

Good news though is that he managed to spill it on his shirt, which did a good job of absorbing most of it, and not a drop of it landed on my freshly mopped kitchen floor. SCORE!

Life and laundry

Having kids is like being a dirty shirt in the washing machine on a never ending wash cycle: constant agitation with no spin cycle in sight.

Prozac with a side of Zoloft

Where does my son come up with these things????

Adam: Mom, I want to watch Bedtime Stories (which is the answer to yesterday's Name that Movie Monday, by the way.)

Me: Okay

Adam: But I'm a little stressed and don't know if I can watch it.

Me: Why are you stressed? Do you want to talk about it?

Adam: Well, I'm stressed because I really want to watch 2 more movies today but I don't want to turn into a couch potato. So what should I do?


He's 5 people. 5 short years old. Somebody please tell me they also have a stressed 5 year old so that I don't go to bed tonight worried that my own 5 year old is weird.

Dictionary Please

The kids have spent the morning playing with the toys my sister brought them from her honeymoon.

Zoey just came crying to me. With Tears in her eyes and a whine in her voice she said to me "I don't want to play with Adam anymore. He is angry and I don't like him when he's like that."

Adam came trailing in, also upset and crying. His whine was "Zoey won't play with me anymore."

Me, knowing how things usually go down when these two play together I asked him, "Well, why doesn't she want to play with you? Where you being bossy."

To which he responded, "No, I wasn't being bossy. She just wouldn't do what I wanted her to do."

Gorgeous

....which is quite a bit harder to spell than you might think.....

Trust me, this hurts me more than it hurts you

Took my 5 year old to his pre-kindergarten doctor appointment today.

First he totally failed the eye exam.

Then he told the doctor that he's not a good eater. (at least he was being honest)

And then came the REALLY fun part-his immunizations.

The Medical Assistant felt pretty confident that she could hold his legs AND give him his shots (all 4) if I would just hold his arms. Apparently she's never met my child. It only took her a moment to realize, as he was simultaneously screaming and crying at a decibel level just above that of a screaming banshee, while thrashing around violently, that she would have to call in backup.

Despite my reassurances that it would be over quickly and that he could have just about anything he wanted when he was done it still took 3 of us to restrain him. I tried to get him to sing with me and when that didn't work I tried simply singing calm songs in his ears. It didn't work.

Once they were finished and opened the door to go get the candy bowl two more medical assistants walked in to coo and coddle over him and make sure he was okay. One was even in tears she felt so bad for him.

Needless to say I was not his best friend today.

He limped around the rest of the day and made sure he told everybody he saw that his legs hurt because he got shots today.

I like to look on the bright side if anybody should ever try to kidnap my child I now know they won't get far.

(does that make me terribly morbid that I would even have that thought?)

Mother of the year

Adam is frequently bored these days. He seems to need constant brain stimulation or else he starts whining or picking on his younger siblings. For the first time I am starting to question my decision to not put him in preschool because I think he is just not challenged enough anymore and needs to be learning new things. Thank goodness he starts school in a few months.

Car rides are especially painful to him. 2 minutes into any drive the barrage of questions begin. "Are we there yet? How long is it going to take to get there? Why do we always have to go places in the car?"

So the following conversation from a day of running errands should not come as a surprise to anybody.

Adam: "I am tired of riding in the car. Why is this taking so long?"

Me: "Because I like to torture you. It is my goal in life to torture you."

Adam: (in an extremely whiny tone) "Well, why do you want to torture me?"

Me: "Because it's my prerogative as a parent to do so."

Murphy's Law

Murphy's law is an adage in Western culture that broadly states: "Anything that can go wrong will go wrong."

I am learning (the hard way, because it seems the only way I know how to learn) that Murphy's Law is especially true in parenthood. Or maybe in the case of parenthood it could be reworded to be "A child can and will make any bad situation exponentially worse."

I know I've written about potty training before. But with Zoey finally making the switch from diapers to big girl underwear it really feels like I'm experiencing all the joys of potty training for the very first time again.

And so tonight I bring you Murphy's Law of potty training.

~The earlier to decided to begin potty training the more likely your child is to be the last person in their nursery class to be potty trained.

~If your wishful thinking entices you to buy underwear in size 2T your child will outgrow them before they have a need for them.

~The later your own child potty trains the more likely you are to be in play group with THAT MOM whose child does everything SO EARLY.

~Should you be desperate enough to check out potty training DVD's from the library (or worse yet, shell out real money for them) you will find that the more annoying the song the more likely it is to get stuck in your head. And yet, have exactly zero effect on your child's desire to use the potty.

~The newer your carpet the more likely your child will pee on it. Okay, who am I kidding. Your child will pee on the old, ugly carpet, too.

~Your child will ALWAYS wait until the last possible second to tell you they have to go to the bathroom. Which is usually when you have filled your shopping cart to the brim, have been waiting in line for 10 minutes to pay and you are next up.

~And they will ALWAYS have to go at the location with the dirtiest bathroom.

~The length of the line at the restroom will be in direct correlation to how frantically your child is crying "I gotta go! I gotta go!"

~Or worse yet, the restroom will be closed for cleaning.

~When playing outside your child will never pee their pants while standing on the grass. They will always, instead, be sitting in the sandbox.

Anyway you slice it parenting is not for the faint of heart!

Weatherman

Yesterday was just warm enough to give me real hope that spring was actually on the way. Although it was only around 55 degrees the kids all wore shorts and played outside in the sandbox for hours.

Apparently the kids are as ready for warm weather as I am.

Adam: When can we get the swimming pool out to play in again.

Me: Well, it needs to get a little warmer first. Today it's only 55 degrees outside. It needs to be at least 85 degrees outside before we get the swimming pool out

Adam: Well, when will that be?

Me: I don't really know. You'll have to ask the weatherman.


Several hours later, as I folded laundry Adam sat deep in thought. Out of nowhere he said "Mom, can I have a (he asks for something I don't understand?"

Me: You want a what?

Adam: A weather chart, like you and daddy have, so that I know when it's 85 degrees.

How can I say no to that kind of request?

Easter

We tried this year to help our children understand the true meaning of Easter. Of course they are still quite young so I mostly was just trying to reinforce the idea that Easter was about Jesus.

So the Easter Bunny came to our house Friday night so we had bunny goodies Saturday morning so Sunday could be just about Jesus.

We have a home evening lesson on the Resurrection.

We went to church for a special Easter service.

And I had this great idea to show my children the Lamb of God movie. (A movie produced by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints depicting the last week in the life of the Savior.)

I was feeling like such a great parent when I told them that after dinner we'd pop popcorn and watch a very special Easter movie.

Soon we were settled in on the couch together and I popped in the movie.

You can imagine my dismay as the opening scene appeared on the screen and Zoey asked "Where is the Easter Bunny"

I guess there's always next year.

If you'd like to receive your own copy of the Lamb of God visit mormon.org and then click on the Free Media link located about half way down the page. You can then request your free copy of this beautiful movie.

Men in Black

In case you somehow missed the memo, my sister is getting married soon. I mean really soon.

And this post today is dedicated to all you mothers of boys. Because I find it as unfair as you do that when I walk into the store I am bombarded by frilly, fluffy, lacy, dripping with cuteness things for girls. Boys are cute, too! And I am just as willing to plunk down dough for cute things for my boys.

And here is the proof: my boys in the suits I bought them to wear to the wedding.



Now if that isn't just dripping with cuteness I don't know what is!



Take that all you puffy pinkness.



Let's hear it for the boys!!!!

Happy Day

It's my Blog-iversary

Celebrate

If you read my other blog you may remember that I practically begged you to head over to Blogtations to check out the best quotes on the internet.

Somehow I tried musing over at Blogtations that I was quotable and she totally featured a quote from this humble little blog on her amazing site.

What a great way to celebrate my 1 day short of 1 year blogging anniversary. :)

Lasting Impressions

A few weeks ago we took the kids to the Open House of the new Draper, Utah Temple. It was a great opportunity to show the kids the inside of a temple and to talk to them about how important temples are. There was also an added bonus in that this is where my sister will be getting married next month so we got to tell the kids all about Aunt Natalie getting married here.

We took extra care to show them the beautiful chandlers in the Celestial room. We paused a little longer in the bride's room, telling them about how this is where Aunt Natalie would be changing into her wedding dress. We held each one up in the sealing room where large mirrors on each side of the room reflect endlessly off each other, a symbol of the eternal nature of the marriage that are performed in that room.

So of course I was please yesterday when Zoey said to me "Mom, do you remember when we went to the temple where Aunt Natalie is getting married." I smiled to myself and answered that yes, I remembered. She then went on to say, "I remember lots and lots of dressing rooms."


Note: I'm super paranoid about copyright infringement and so please go here to see pictures of the inside of the Draper Temple, including the sealing rooms and the Celestial room. You won't, however, find any pictures of the dressing rooms because, well, they are just rows and rows of lockers and who finds that interesting?

Flashback Friday

Having neglected this blog far longer than I should I decided to do Flashback Friday over here this week. Hope you don't mind. (Of course you don't mind, you get to see cute pictures of my kids when they were babies! Who wouldn't like that?)

My Sister-in-Law Emily gave me a little Tigger baby outfit when my first was born. She gave it to me because it was Orange and her favorite color is Orange.

My mother gave me lots of stuffed animal tiggers because I sort of had this tigger fetish in late high school/early college (hence my email address to this day is still nikitiger, stemming back to those days.)

So, as a new mom, home from work for 12 weeks on maternity leave with my very first digital camera I got this brilliant idea for some photos when Adam was about a month old.

Adam and Tigger, best buddies



Peeking



When Zoey came along I pulled out the box of old baby clothes looking for anything that wasn't gender specific, came across the tigger outfit and thought, what the heck.

Zoey and Tigger, best buddies



Wiggly Zoey



2 kids



So of course by Harrison it was a tradition and we just had to do it yet again.

Harrison and Tigger, best buddies



Little tigger face



3 kids, how did we get so many?

Still

The friendship is still strong. Just a few moments ago Zoey woke up crying. She was shaking all over and told me she had had a bad dream. I held her for a moment, gave her a kiss and then told me she wanted to go snuggle with Adam.

So, once again, I tucked her into her brother's bed where she calmed right down and is snuggling there still.

Child Prodigy

Adam has always shown an interest in music, especially in the piano. I mean, I know ALL kids enjoy pounding on the keys now and then. There are so temptingly pretty. White and black, neatly arranged in a long line, making sweet melodic sounds when you touch them. Who wouldn't like to plunk a few occasionally? Plus there is always the added pleasure of slamming down the lid when you are done. Kids love that part!

But Adam has always approached the piano with tenderness. Even at a very young age he never pounded the keys with his entire hand. He instead would touch each key gently, one at a time, listening to how each key had it's own unique tone.






I often thought about trying to get him some lessons but as I asked around everybody told me that 8 was about the right age to start kids in piano lessons. That they really need to be able to read and sit still and concentrate before taking on the piano.

But on Sunday Adam wanted to sing a particular song as a family and went to the piano telling me he was going to play it for us. So I put the music in front of him and he said "show me how to read it so I can play the song."

Thus began an impromptu piano lesson about middle C. By the end of our short 10 minute lesson he was able to identify each note that was a C on the keyboard.

I tested him a couple of days later and he still remembered.

So of course now I think he is the smartest child alive and that I'd better rush him into piano lessons with a teacher who specializes in teaching gifted children.

Then of course perhaps he'll only stay interested for a lesson or two, thus wasting time and money in the process. In which case he would be demoted from prodigy child to prodigal child.

It will be super cool mom

I got a new camera yesterday.

Today Adam begged me to come downstairs so he could show me something super cool. He wanted to show me how he and Zoey could sit on the ladder to the loft bed. He explained, step by step, how he would climb 4 steps, and sit just so and hang onto the rung above.

Once he and Zoey were both seated on the ladder rungs he said "Mom, I really think you should take a picture of this with your new camera. It will be super cool and be a really cute picture."





And you know what, he was right.

Fickle

When I start to feel overwhelmed by all the little ones running around our house I often start to say things to the kids like, "I think we have too many kids. How about we send some back."

The kids always respond with a resounding "no! We need all the kids"

One day I was having this conversation with just Adam. I said to him, "Don't you think we have too many kids? I was thinking maybe we should send Harrison back."

His response was, "No, I love him toooo much."

I said, "Well, how about we send Zoey back then."

Even more emphatically than before, "No!!!!! I love her too much, too!"

I reminded him, "Well, you sure fight with her a lot."

He pauses a moment to think about that and then says, "Well, okay. I guess we can send Zoey back."

Good, clean fun

The other morning as I'm getting out of the shower my phone is ringing. On the other end is the Primary President. (I'm one of her councilors, in case I never mentioned that.) She says "How was your shower?" I'm thinking to myself "How does she know I was in the shower?"

She then proceeds to tell me that she stopped by my house and Adam answered the door. She asked for his mom and he said "She's in the shower." So she asks if his dad is around, to which Adam replies, "He's in the shower, too."

Then Zoey, not wanting to be left out of the conversation I guess, says, "They're in the same shower."

At this point in the phone conversation the Primary President is laughing and giving me a hard time, all the while I'm freaking out "MY 4 YEAR OLD ANSWERED THE DOOR?!?!?!?!?!"

I need to have a serious talk with that child.

And when I'm done I need to have a serious talk with Zoey. I wondering what other family gossip she has let slip during sunbeams. One can only imagine....

Finally, my 100th post

I've been neglecting this little ol' blog of mine for far too long. My kids are just as funny and cute and clever as always. And I've actually thought of writing here several times. But I was right in the middle of my 100th post and I really wanted it to be funny but was having serious writers block every time I tried to finish it so then I just started ignoring it all together.

But I'm back. And this is my 100th post! I already subjected you to 100 things about me on my other blog so I decided that here I would write the top 100 ways you know you have kids.

Of course, all my kids are still preschool age. So I imagine the list would be quite different if you have kids in school and especially if you have teenagers. But, even if you only have teenagers now they were young once so I hope that you may still find things you can relate to. So, for your reading pleasure I now present:

You know you have kids when:

1. Your home constantly looks like Fisher price puked on your floor
2. You've ever uttered the phrase "because I said so."
3. You find stroller reviews more interesting than car reviews
4. If swapping car seats from one vehicle to another were an Olympic sport you'd have a fighting chance at taking home the gold medal.
5. You have frozen chicken nuggets in your freezer
6. All the mattresses in your house are covered with plastic
7. You are considering a contribution to PBS this year because it's cheaper than a nanny
8. The kids are at Grandma's for the night, you are alone with your spouse, and all you can think about is sleep.
9. You can quote at least one Dr. Seuss Book
10. You've ever had a long, in depth conversation with a spouse or close friend about poop
11. You have a magnet on your fridge with the number to poison control
12. Which was sent to you by poison control
13. Because you've had to call poison control....
14. ...more than once
    
15. You have the PBS kids lineup memorized but have no clue what is on Prime time television
    
16. Your digital picture count is in the thousands, and those are just of your kids
    
17. Your library card is your best friend
    
18. You've seen Toy Story at least 100 times
    
19. >You know all about Really Useful engines
20. You make up extra verses to children's songs
21. You realize now how smart your mom actually is
22. You haven't eaten a hot meal meal in (insert age of oldest child) years
23. You can name every Pixar movie in a single breath
24. You believe in Santa Clause
    
25. And the tooth fairy
26. And the Easter Bunny
27. And all other mythical magical creatures
28. Band-aids and kisses still cure everything
29. You've ever been felt so much love you where sure your heart was going to burst out of your chest
30. You have a detailed list of all the messes the Mr. Clean magic eraser doesn't get out.
31. You have ever had to clean vomit from a bed....
32. ....or a couch.....
33. ....or the carpet.....
34. ....or the carseat....
35. ....or hair.....
36. You've likely cleaned urine and fecal matter from all those same places as well
37. You know what tune every single Fisher Price Little People toy sings (It's "this old man" although each toy has different words to the tune)
    
38. A Good Night's sleep, what's that?
39. You dread family portraits
40. You feel way older than you should!
41. The laundry at your house is worse than the energizer bunny, it just keeps going....
42. .......and going........
43. .......and going........
44. .......and going........
45. .......and going........
46. .......and going........
47. .......and going........
48. .......and going........
49. .......and going........
50. .......and going........
51. .......and going........
52. You think naptime must be what heaven is like
53. You've ever found a sippie cup with chunky milk in it
54. Some days your little ones are the very reason you get out of bed in the morning
55. And some days they are the very reason you want to throw the covers over your head and stay in bed forever
    
56. You have strong opinions about breastfeeding (one way or the other)
57. You think Elmo is terribly annoying
58. But let your kids watch him anyway
59. Because they love him
60. Because all kids love him
61. The term "Fine Dining" has been removed from your vocabulary
62. A good meal is one at which nobody cries
63. You cheat at Candy Land, otherwise the game would go on forever
    
64. You lie to the pediatrician (Yes, he sleeps through the night, yes we have child gates on every staircase, yes I brush his teeth for 2 minutes 2 times a day every single day, yes she eats balanced meals from all 4 food groups, no she doesn't drink from a bottle anymore, etc.)
65. You're still reading this
66. You know at least one song about the potty
67. You've ever been at an all adult dinner party and excused yourself to use the potty
68. The list of emergency numbers you leave on your fridge for the babysitter is longer than the guest list at your wedding
69. When trying to watch a movie you have to pause it AT LEAST 24 times
70. You've ever watched a DVD with the subtitles on just so you could follow the story despite all the noise
71. You think finding a sale at Old Navy is better than winning the lottery
72. You tried to write off your Disney Movie Club Membership as a tax deduction, listed under "Qualified child care"
73. The words "potty training" send a cold chill through your entire body
74. You actually have a favorite kid's show
75. But won't admit it
76. You can finish the following line: "Clifford needed Emily, so she chose him for her own......"
77. Over half the songs on your ipod fall in the "Children's Music" genre
    
78. You're considering adding "jungle gym" to your resume
79. You now understand what your dad meant all those times he said "I just can't have nice things."
80. You've ever told your child that it "tastes like chicken" when trying to get him to try something new. (or maybe I'm the only one who does that.)
81. You occasionally just blow the crumbs out of the breakfast dishes and reuse them for lunch time because you are tired of doing dishes! (maybe I'm the only one who does that, too.)
82. You've ever silently sworn under your breath on Christmas morning about child toy packaging
83. You talk to your child's imaginary friend
84. You crave adult conversation
85. You wonder why you bother renting movies because you always just fall asleep during them anyway
86. The last time you exercised was.......
87. You secretly hope that other people find your children cute, even though you'll never admit it
88. Because, after all, your child is the cutest, smartest, funniest child you have ever seen
89. You can't recall the last time your shirt stayed clean for an entire day
90. You know that when kids get quiet it means they are doing something they shouldn't be
    
91. You can sing "The Wheels on the Bus" in your sleep
92. And sometimes you do
93. You're reading this sometime after 10:00 pm (because it's the only time the kids will leave you along long enough to get through this forever long list!)
94. You've read at least one of the items on this list out loud to your spouse with knowing kind of tone
    
95. At times you hear you mother's words coming out of your own mouth
96. You have ever had to utter the phrase "don't drink the bum water" (or something similar in nature)
97. You have ever pulled the remote control out of the garbage can
98. or the toilet
99. You know that the term "childproof" is only a myth
100. You can think of at least 10 more items I should add to this list (which I encourage you to leave in the comments)
     

Phew, I made it! Only took me 31/2 months!